I Lost My Loss of Ruin

It can't be
It can't be here already
I've traveled too far
Much too much has dissipated into air
For it to have caught up
I'm coming back stronger than before
I'm coming back with a vengeance unknown
It might have caught me at the right moment
For I can feel the anesthesia
As it treads in water of distance
It made it clear
I knew I wouldn't make it out alive
I never, I never, I never had one at all
Love waking tears rather cause I can't remember
Where I put mine down