The Dark Knight is Confused

KID
Batman! Why is he running, Dad?

GORDON
Because we have to chase him.

KID
Why?

GORDON
Because he can take it. Because hes not a hero, hes a silent guardian, a watchful protector, the Dark Knight

KID
I dont get it.

GORDON
Neither do I son, but it sounds cool.

BATMAN
As I ride on my bike at the end of Dark Knight
Theres a few plot points that just dont feel right

Like why the hell did I agree to take the rap
Harvey Dent killed those people. Who gives a crap?

And the Joker pulls crimes in such an orderly manner
He must write it down in an evil day planner




His henchmen are psycho and expendable
Yet somehow completely dependable

And why is Morgan Freeman all pissed at me?
He seemed to resign kind of randomly

Its OK to build me an armored tank-car
But ooh, tapping phones, thats going too far


Chorus
This movie of my life just doesnt hold together
At least is beats the crap out of Batman Forever

I enjoy car chases, explosions and suspense
Is it too much to ask that it all make sense?

ALFRED
No no Master Wayne, you dont understand
You cant kill a symbol, but you can kill a man

BATMAN
If I want to quit then thats my choice

ALFRED
Were alone you dont have to use that voice
And what about Ms. Dawes its like you just forgot her

BATMAN
In Batman Begins she was so much hotter

ALFRED
Joker, are you busy? Lets call a truce.
I need you to help explain the plot toBatman

JOKER
Call me insane, but I consider us friends
I brought the DVD so we can watch it again

ALFRED
Ill make the popcorn and pour the sherry
Ooh, maybe we could watch it with the commentary


BATMAN
How does Harvey Dent do total 180?

ALFRED
Well they barbequed his face and he lost his lady

BATMAN
When did you have time rig up both of those boats

JOKER
Does talking that way ever damage your throat?

BATMAN
Well at least they got rid of Joel Schumacher

JOKER
You know movie is really good the Hurt Locker

BATMAN
Oh I heard that was good. Ive been meaning to see it.

ALFRED
Whos in it?

JOKER
Anthony Mackie

ALFRED
I dont know who that is.

JOKER
He was in Eight Mile.

ALFRED
Oh, he the guy who hosted the rap battles.

BATMAN
No that was Mekhi Phifer.

ALFRED
Joker youre getting white makeup all over the popcorn.

JOKER
Sorry, Hey did I ever tell you how I got these scars?

BATMAN
YES! Several versions.

ALFRED
Maybe some other people would like to hear the story.