Master In The House

Welcome M'sier
Sit yourself down
And meet the best Innkeeper in town
As for the rest
All of them crooks
Rooking the guests
And cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the House
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
And an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
Makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon viveur!
Glad to do my friends a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice!
But nothing gets you nothing, everything has got a little price.
Master of the House
Keeper of the zoo
Ready relieve them of a sou, or two.
Watering the wine, making up the weight,
Picking up their knick-knacks
When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases Jesus don't
I bleed them in the end!
Master of the House
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer by
To pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
And lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But look up your valises Jesus!
Won't I skin yer to the bone!
Enter M'sieur
Lay down yer load
Unlace yer boots
And rest from the road
This weighs a ton
Travel's a curse
But here we strive
To lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
And pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse
Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages
With this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges plus some little extras on the side
Charge them for the lice
Extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice
There a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases
All them bits and pieces Jesus!
It's amazing how it grows!
Master of the House
Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passer by
To pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher
And lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Gives them everything he's got
Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus!
What a sorry little lot!
I used to dream
That I would meet a prince
But God Almighty,
Have you seen what's happened since?
`Master of the house?'
Isn't worth me spit!
`Comforter, philosopher'
- and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landing me with such a louse!
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this bastard in the house!
Master of the house.
Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher
Ah, don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor. Butler to the great.
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse.
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!