Trephination

I used to want to take a
drill to my head
Let the pain out of the hole
I used to want to cut the
veins in my neck
Cool the blood boiling my
soul
When I wondered, why my
daily headaches thundered
Tried to buffer, pushing
down the pain I suffered
Mutilated, feeling so
humiliated
Cannot wash the dirt off
underneath my skin

There was a part of me left
far behind
When at the age of five
years old
I had my innocence taken
from me
Emptiness would fill the
hole
Now a second grader,
thinking why I don't feel
better
Why I'm filthy, why the hell
I feel so guilty
When drawing stick men
of pornographic men and
women
Thinking all the time
there's something wrong
with me

Everyday for three years
from dawn 'til dusk a
migraine
would take me and break me
And it'd cripple me so
much that
In dreams, it'd seem, with
a hole in my temple
that I could probably make
my headaches finally go
away

Trephination
trephination
The enemy inside of me
won't let me free
wants me to bleed

And after three years now
my headaches wear off
For reasons not quite to
me known
The acupuncture needles
sticking my skin
Pushed them down as far
as they'd go
But now I'm older and now
inside my anger smolders
from depression, to fighting
Taking out my vengeance
Consequences, now I'd
question during sex if ...
Is this how it fucking feels
or am I faking it ?

No longer the child that
you left there at the bart
tracks
I'm now at 17, left in an
empty blackness
On drugs, with thugs, and
thinking "Goddamn ?"
I'm ending up in a failure,
in the gutter passed out

Trephination
trephination
This enemy inside of me
won't let me free
wants me to bleed

Now I'm older and in this
man an anger smolders
Now I'm thinking a hole in
you is what I'm seeing
Your depression, is the
dent I kick in you in
vengeance
Consequences are the pain
I'd give to you

I know that I'm dreaming,
but in this dream I go in
go through it, and end it
And though I'd never do it
I'm killing you, hand on
the trigger - pull it
Your final thought'll be a
bullet in your fuckin' head

Trephination
trephination
This enemy inside of me
I'm now killing
to make me free.