The King Of Broadway

MAX:
I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway
The best of ev'rything was mine to have each day
I always had the biggest hits
The biggest bathrooms at the Ritz
My showgirls had the biggest tits!
I never was the pits in any way!

WORKMAN, BUM, BAG LADY:
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, ev'ry word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard

MAX:
I used to be the king...

WORKMAN, BUM, BAG LADY:
The King?

MAX:
The king of old Broadway...

BLIND VIOLINIST:
It's good to be the king!

MAX:
My praises they would sing
A Ziegfeld so they'd say
My shows were always filled with class
The best champagnes would fill my glass
My lap was filled with gorgeous ass
You couldn't call me crass in any way!

WORKMAN, BUM, BAG LADY, VIOLINIST, USHERETTES, NUNS, STREET CLEANER:
We believe you, thousands wouldn't
We believe you, ev'ry word
We believe you, thousands couldn't
We believe each word we've heard

MAX:
There was a time
When I was young and gay...
But straight
There was a time
When I was bold
There was a time
When each and ev'ry play I touched
Would turn to gold

CHORUS:
There was a time
He wore the finest clothes
His shoes were always new
Ahh!

MAX:
Now I wear a rented tux
That's two weeks overdue!

CHORUS:
Poor Bialy, what a shmoozer
Poor Bialy, what a shame
Poor Bialy, what a loser
Poor Bialy, goodbye fame

MAX:
Rented tux...
Overdue...
Way overdue

MAX:
Such reviews! How dare they insult me in this manner?
How quickly they forget. I am Max Bialystock!
The first producer ever to do summer stock in the winter!

CHORUS:
Once he was the king...

MAX:
You've heard of Theatre in the Round?
You're looking at the man who invented Theatre in the Square!
Nobody had a good seat!

CHORUS:
King of old Broadway

MAX:
I've spent my entire life in the theater.
I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski.

CHORUS:
Ooh!

MAX:
Yes. He taught me everything I know.
I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said,
"Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"

NUN #1:
What does that mean?

MAX:
Who knows? I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he.
But in my heart I knew what he was saying.
He was saying, when you're down and out, and everybody thinks you're finished,
that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout,
"Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town?!"

CHORUS:
Yay!

MAX:
I used to be the king
The king of old Broadway
Again I will be king
And be on top to stay

CHORUS:
Used to be the king
King of old Broadway
On top to stay, hey!

MAX:
There'll be gala opening nights again
You'll see my name in lights again
I'll go from dark to brights again
My spirits high as kites again
I'll never suffer slights again
I'll taste those sweet delights again
No plethora of plights again
No blossoming of blights again
No frantic fits or frights again
Fame is in my sights again
I'll take those fancy flights again
I'm gonna scare the heights again
Bialystock will never drop
Bialystock will never stop...
Bialystock will be on top again

CHORUS:
Fame is in his sights again
He'll take those fancy flights again
He's gonna scale the heights again

MAX:
I'll be on top again, hey!