Town Meeting Song

Listen everyone!
There were objects so peculiar, the were not to be believed
All around things to tantalize my brain.
It’s a world unlike anything I’ve ever seen
And as hard as I try I can’t seem to describe,
Like the most improbable dream.
But you must believe when I tell you this
It’s as real as my skull and it does exist.
Here, let me show you…
This is a thing called a present,
The whole thing starts with a box.
A box? Is it steel? Are there locks?
Is it filled with a pox? A pox?
How delightful, a pox!
If you please!
Just a box with bright-coloured paper,
And the whole thing is topped with a box.
A bow? But why?
How ugly!
What’s in it? What’s in it?
That’s the point, not to know.
It’s a bat! Will it bend?
It’s a rat! Will it break?
Perhaps it’s the head that I found in the lake.
Listen now, you don’t understand
That’s not the point of Christmas land.
Now, pay attention.
We pick up an over-sized sock
and hang it like this on the wall.
Oh, yes. Does it still have a foot?
Let me see, let me look.
Is it rotted and covered with gook?
Uh, let me explain.
There’s no foot inside, but there’s candy!
Or sometimes it’s filled with small toys.
Small toys? Do they bite? Do they snap?
Or explode in the sack?
Perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys.
What a splendid idea
This Christmas sounds fun
I fully endorse it
Let’s try it at once!
Everyone, please! Now, not so fast.
There’s something here that you don’t quite grasp.
(Well, I may as well give them what they want…)
And the best, I must confess
I have saved for the last.
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep might voice
Least that’s what I’ve come to understand.
And I’ve also hear it told that he’s something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red.
When he sets out his sleigh with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms.
That is, so I’ve hear it said.
And on a dark, cold night, under the full moonlight
He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky
And they call him Sandy Claws
(evil laugh)
Well, at least they’re excited, but they don’t understand
That special kind of feeling in Christmas land
Oh, well.