Dirtiest Song that Ain't

I've been 'round for a long time
And I learned along the way:
If you wanna go on the radio
There are words you just can't say!
Well, I thought hard about it
And I found a way around it

To help me go on the radio, you gotta say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Down in Carolina
I met a girl with a nice [...]
So I reached down between us
And I whipped out my [...]
Skipped right past the suckin'
And got right down to [...]
She turned and said: "I gotta ask,
Would you slip it into my [...]?"

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, ma'am, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

Her husband was a trucker
He was a filthy mother[...]
I didn't wanna wrastle
With this no-good stinkin' [...]
I heard him come through the kitchen door
When I was bangin' his filthy [...]
I knew I'd end up in a ditch
If he caught me ridin' his [...]

Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, man, won't you give me your hand
And say the words I can't?
You got to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't

"Mercy, please!" I told him,
But he grabbed me by the [...]
And he did something heinous
He exposed his [...]
I said "I don't mean to seem crass,
But why are you buttering up your [...]?"
He said "My wife's a beard, and she lured you here.
'Cause I'm queer and I love it in the [...]"

You helped me go on the radio by saying the words I can't.
You have to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Sir and ma'am, thanks for lending a hand.
By saying the words I can't.
You have to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song,
The filthiest song,
The dirtiest song that ain't.