Rosetta Stoned

Alright then,
Picture this if you will

10 to 2AM and actually heating up
The old box of Krispy Kremes at my
Need-to-know post just outside of
Area 51 contemplating the whole
"Chosen people" thing but just then
A flaming stealth banana split the
Sky,like, wide open never really
Expect to see it in a place like this

I think, I think, I'm gonna gonna
Die but something right inside my
Birkenstocks began fuming
Holy fucking shit...
(holy fucking shit..)(x4)

Then the x-files beings who were like
Some kind of blue-grey Jackie Chan
With Isabella Rossellini lips and breath that reeked
And they're wicked-shot terrorists all by making the sound
Abananadabanana
So when I opened up my bug eyes, my gaping jaw and my..
Sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip and all I could think was...
I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants

So alive in this way
Like an apparition
And you had me crying out
Fuck me
It's gotta be
Deadhead chemistry
The bottom covering the top of me.
It's got me seeing E motherfucking T.

And after calming me down with some
Orange slices and some fetal spooning
ET revealed to me his singular purpose
He said,"You are the chosen one.
The one who'll deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it,
And a warning for those who do not."

Me, the chosen one.
They chose me
And I didn't even graduate from fucking high school.

You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen.

Then he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down
This is surreal
Like the time they floated away
See, my heart is burning
Cause this shit never happens to me

Can't breathe right now
It was so real,
Like I woke up in Wonderland
Also a bit terrifying
I don't want to be all alone
When I tell this story
And can anyone tell me why
It was a repeat experience
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real
Finally, it's my lucky day
See my heart is racing
'Cause this shit never happens to me

I can't breathe right now

You believe me don't you?
Please believe what I just said
See them telling children
And this wasn't all in my head
See they took a hold of my hand
And invited me right in
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out my head.
Am I alive? Or'm I dead?
Can't remember what they said
Goddamn
Shit the bed

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and read you all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see
But I forgot my pen
Shit the bed again
Typical

Strapped down to my bed
Feet cold and eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive or'm I dead?
Sunkist and sudafed
Gyroscopes and infrared
Won't help the braindead
Can't remember what they said
Goddamn
Shit the bed

I can't remember what they said to me
Can’t remember what they said to
Make me out to be a hero

Can't remember what he said
Mom, help me
Can’t remember what he said

Don't know
Won't know...
Goddamn, shit the bed